Journal page 11

I once heard someone say that an increase in Light is also an increase in darkness.

I believe this to be true.

Without going into exhausting detail, Opalette and I had come into an understanding. I realized that I was only enraged by her because she had the guts to speak the truth to me. She held up the mirror to me metaphorically speaking, and I simply hated what I saw. I was not angry at her this entire time, I learned that I was angry and hated myself. She was merely the messenger.
She told me many other things, of which I do not wish to divulge, even here.

Due to her insightful words, I learned a lot about myself. There are some things that I wish to change, and others I know I cannot.

A day after this occurred, I felt lighter, as if a weight had been lifted. I went about my day-to-day things reflecting on what she said. I filed paperwork. I completed inventory on my thistle. I went over the budget and saw to my employee's concerns.
Then, I returned to the Row to resume my sales.

I was jumped.

It was five or six people. I was with Selysong at the time and with us two-- we were no match for them. They dislocated my jaw and stole my day's worth of thistle. I noticed the little things.
They were all masked, yet used one another's names. When they abducted Selysong, they did not make a kidnapper's demands. They asked for nothing.

Through the help of a friend, I was able to locate Selysong. They had beaten her brutally for the sake of cruelty. They wanted nothing but to inflict pain on someone else. They had removed her tongue and broken many bones.
One of them, strangely, returned my stolen belongings. After some cajoling, they released my priestess friend.

I am familiar with the darkness in someone's soul. I am aware of my own. Even though I had become committed to bettering myself, a certain black rage still lingers. An increase in Light is also an increase in darkness.

I caught one of the attackers alone. I beat her mercilessly in the way they had beaten Selysong. I removed her tongue. I broke many of her ribs.

Although I have decided to perhaps change my perspective and the way I relate to women, I feel no remorse in finding revenge. I am not a sadist, and found no pleasure in what I have done. But at the same time, I made it clear that actions have consequences. It was a difficult lesson I learned myself. Without her tongue, I could not hear her pleas for mercy.

Selysong has not been made aware of the actions I took on her behalf. I am unsure if I will tell her, either. It was something I had done for myself, moreso than her, perhaps.

I do not regret my actions.

Your friend,

--Kiaphus